What will your child do if a stranger approaches them?

In this blog, I am going to touch on a subject that parents need to discuss with their children.  It is not an easy subject for parents to share with their children because it may frighten them or make them feel unsafe.  But the reality of the society we live in today is that in order to protect them, we have to teach them what to do if ever put in a scary situation involving a possible abductor or a person with ill intent. 

The recent incidents below are incidents that have happened in Minnetonka and outstate Minnesota that are chilling reminders that we must talk about this subject with our children.

• A 7-year-old girl went missing in St. Paul on Sunday (May 1, 2011) evening after the girl's sister told police that a white man, around 50-years-old, asked her to come see his puppy around 6:30 p.m.  She was found a couple hours later walking on the side of a busy highway.
• On March 31, 2011 a School as she walked home from her school bus stop. The man drove an unmarked white van and pulled up alongside the girl, rolled down his window and asked her if she wanted candy. The girl ignored the man and then quickly walked ahead to catch up to a friend who was in front of her.
• On May 4, 2010, a 25-year-old man abducted a 14-year-old girl while she was delivering papers in Fairfax, MN.  The girl was taken from her early morning paper route between 6:30 and 7:00 a.m. Her bicycle was left standing behind at the edge of a citizen’s yard.  About 2 hours later the girl was found about 10 miles south of Fairfax.  It appears the girl was able to jump out of the suspect’s car while it was moving.  She used her cell phone to call for help.  Because of her description, the 25-year-old man was arrested at his Marshall, MN apartment and was charged with kidnapping and rape and could be sent away for life.

According to the FBI statistics, most abductions are done by luring children to a vehicle rather than taking them by force.  Half of the children were 4 to 11 years old, and the others were 12 or older and 74% of the children/teens were girls.  What can we do as parents or as a community to protect our children?

The first thing we need to prepare our children for is to be able to identify a dangerous situation and learn how to react to avoid the person by using any means. We need to talk to our children and teach them what to do if a person in a vehicle is trying to talk to them or if a stranger tries to talk to them at a park, mall or any venue. We need to arm them with the knowledge and knowhow to get away from a bad person who has cruel intentions. 

It is important that a parent leads by example.  If a parent does not take security seriously themselves, your child won’t either.  A parent needs to sit their children down and talk through what they should do if approached by a stranger.  While you don’t want to scare them so they won’t dare to walk outside, you still want to teach them what to do if put in a dangerous situation and how to stay safe.  Remember, parents need to be a little paranoid about their child’s security.  Paranoia is a part of parenting. 

A parent must limit all modern day distractions (i.e. use of cell phones, PDAs/Smartphone’s and headphones) and know what is going on in the immediate area of their child’s environment. Controlling this environment is much easier when your children are with you. The true challenge begins when your child is walking home from school or playing on the playground when you are not around, will they make the right decision to keep themselves safe?

In my book, “Securing Smiles A Guide To Family Security”, I emphasize that if someone tries to grab your child or a vehicle approaches them to ask them a question, they should run away, scream as loud as they can and find their Mom, Dad or trusted adult. They should use statements like, ‘Stranger!’, ‘You are not my Mommy or Daddy!’, ‘Help!’, or ‘Call 911!’ and make as much noise as they can.  They can even carry a whistle or any type of alarm to scare the potential abductor away.  Or if taken such as the female newspaper carrier above, always look for a way out. 

Remember, you need to communicate to your child that an adult (stranger) has no business asking them a question or asking them directions? An adult needs to ask another adult for help!

 We also need to teach our children that…

• a stranger is ANYONE they don't know.
• it is okay to say NO to an adult, if they feel uncomfortable or don't know the adult, even if it seems rude.
• to not wear any type of headphones while outside. This will make them oblivious to any vehicle or person stalking them.
• they know that NO ONE has the right to touch them if they don’t want them too.
• they should tell a parent if another adult asks them to keep a secret.
• they should never get into anyone's car without their parent's permission.
• they should not take candy or gifts from a stranger.
• they should never help strangers.  Remember, tell your children that grownups should NOT ask kids to do things that other adults can do for them.
• they run away from a car that pulls up beside them if they do not know the driver.
• they never say they are alone when they answer the phone and should never answer the door if they are alone.
• they never invite people into their home without their parents’ permission.
• they always let their parents know where they are.
• that they never play in deserted buildings or isolated areas.
• they should scream for help if they are forced into a car or building.
• how to identify "safe" people (like store clerks, mothers with children, and police officers/security officers) if ever lost.

 Parent’s Checklist:

• I have a recent photo of my child, his/her fingerprints, and a current record of his/her height and weight.
• I make a mental note of what my child is wearing every day.
• I carefully check babysitter and child care references.
• I know my child’s friends’ names, addresses and phone numbers.
• I always accompany my young child to a public bathroom.
• I designated a neighbor’s home as a “safe house” where my child can go if I’m not home and there is an emergency.
• I have discussed with my child that they will not approach a vehicle if it stops and asks them questions, offers them candy or toys, or wants to talk with them.
• I use safety drills, similar to what kids regularly do at school, to point out the importance of being observant and how to react to a stranger.
• I will report suspicious vehicles or people to law enforcement.
• Does my child know how to dial 911?
• I always know where my child is.

For more information on child security go to:  www.securingfamilysmiles.com