Dr. Hal Pickett's Thoughts on Minimizing Back to School Stress

Yes, it’s that time of year again when kids head back to school and change is in the air. Back to school, first time in school, or moving from middle school to high school are all big transitions for our kids. Even if the transition is smooth, it‘s stressful to change old patterns and create or recreate new ones. These periods of transition can exacerbate any emotional struggles your child might have and throw them off their typical rosy disposition. So get prepared for the coming change so everything will smooth out more quickly.

The start of kindergarten, the transition from kindergarten to first grade, or from elementary school to middle school, or from middle to high school can be the most difficult. But let’s start by just tackling general back to school struggles. It is beneficial to your child, and ultimately to you, if you make your child start their school sleep schedule a week before school starts. For your younger children, get them to bed a little earlier and have them get up the next morning at the time they will need to get up for school. Pull them away from the television about a half an hour a day and make them practice their reading and review last year’s math. For your adolescent, who will obviously fight you tooth and nail on this issue, do not take up the battle; just remind them that this is the time that the alarm will be set next week for school. Use it as a teaching moment. When they refuse, just smile, and in your most pleasant voice tell them “OK, I warned you.”

For kids making one of the bigger transitions, practice with your child to expose them to the routine. First, take advantage of any orientations that the school has to offer. Several days ahead of the start of school, drive them to their new setting, show them the door, walk them to their classroom, visit the lunchroom, visit the library, the gym and playground. Show your kids where the bathrooms and water fountains are located.  If your adolescent does not want to do this with you, find an older peer who might be willing. After the visit, ask your kids if they are worried about any part of it. Do not try to take their worry away, but validate it and ask them what might help to make the worry go away.  Remind them that they are not alone and that many of the kids will be worried the first day or days.

For kids who have school phobia problems, the start of school each year is a very dangerous time. It is easy to start off on the wrong foot by letting them skip a day and ease into it. Do not let your child with school phobia skip a day of school!  This only reinforces the phobia and makes it stronger. Even if all they can do is sit in the library or Nurse’s Office the first day, they must be at school.

For your kids with ADHD, help them get organized with their schedule, their routine from class to class and their papers.  Review the organization daily until it becomes routine. Kids do not learn routines by accident, they have to be taught.  Check your ADHD child’s school portal weekly to gauge missing assignments. Do not let them dig themselves into an academic pit.

Overall, remember that the start of school is new and exciting, but it is also stressful. Expect some less than cordial behaviors or even some emotional meltdowns. Support and validate, and the struggle should disappear in a few weeks or less. If not, there are great child therapists out there to help. 

Good Luck!