Parents Talk: Can Schools Be Free of Bullying?
A Prevention of School Bullying task force is studying bullying in Minnesota, but can new policies and laws help prevent the problem?
When I was in junior high more than 20 years ago, bullying existed.
I remember two girls in my seventh grade junior high choir class – and yes, I can still picture their faces and remember their names – which routinely made it their mission in life to pick on others.
I, like many others, just tried to avoid these two girls as much as possible – which didn’t always work.
Fast-forward more than 20 years and it doesn’t seem like a lot has changed. We still hear stories of bullying incidents time and time again.
I do think some schools are being more proactive in telling students and parents what to do about bullying incidents. But, I don’t know if the culture has changed much in some schools. There are still circumstances where some schools aren’t doing enough to prevent and stop bullying.
Minnesota’s bullying law actually received a C- last year from a national watchdog group, according to a recent Star Tribune article, which was apparently the lowest passing grade in the country.
But, can changing the policies and laws make our schools free of bullying?
A Prevention of School Bullying task force was created by Gov. Mark Dayton last year and met for the first time this week. It was created to “examine the state of bullying, harassment and intimidation in Minnesota schools, including existing laws and regulations,” according to the Minnesota Department of Education website.
"We are beginning to acknowledge the fact that bullying is a public health issue, a mental health issue and a physical health issue," said task force member Walter Roberts, a Minnesota State University anti-bullying expert, according to the Star Tribune article. "Reports are coming in at such a level that we can't ignore it anymore."
The group is tasked with defining bullying, harassment and intimidation and to provide recommendations for policy initiatives to the Governor and Legislature, Minnesota Department of Education says on its website.
With bullying continuing for decades, I have to admit I’m skeptical on whether much will change with the amount of bullying that happens in schools.
As a society, I feel like we’ve been aware of this problem for years. Changes have happened and awareness has increased, which are positive strides forward, but as the old saying goes “the more things change, the more things stay the same.”
Hopefully, my doubts will be proven wrong.
It’s your turn to share your thoughts. Can schools ever be free of bullying? Will changing state policies and laws make a difference? Share your viewpoint in comments.
rob_h78
12:06 pm on Thursday, March 22, 2012
Bullying will always be around but that doesn't mean that schools and society should not take stronger steps to help protect those that are bullied, particularly since by law children are legally forced to be in school and therefore those schools take on additional responsible to those students that, IMHO, don't exist for say the shopping mall where people are free to leave or not even go at any time.
And as for those that say "Well, just stand up to the bully, or punch the bully and they will back down" - while that may work sometimes, it is far more likely that it will turn into a disaster for the person who tries to fight back and once the bully (and their friends) beats down someone who tries to fight back they will own that person - they won't say "Oh no, that person tried to fight back now I'll go after someone else" - no, instead they will own that person and that person will know that they will get another beat down the next time they try to stand up...
David Haines
12:15 pm on Thursday, March 22, 2012
Hold the parents responsible. If a bully is a "repeat offender" of bullying and their parents still do not want to get involved to make it stop, they should be held accountable for their unwillingness to correct the behavior of their child.
If the parents can show that they are trying, I would have some sympathy for them but for parents who do not want to get involved in their own child's behavior, there should be consequences.
Like Rob points out, children enrolled in public school are forced to attend so the school has a duty to protect them from harm.
Sorry, but it is not acceptable to allow your child to torment and make other children's lives a living hell. Be a parent and positive roll model to your child!
Remember, for some this is a life or death issue.
Kelly McNutt
10:52 am on Friday, March 23, 2012
I'm in agreement with rob_h78 and David Haines. First in line in teaching children respect for themselves and others are the parents. Advocate for your children: they don't have to put up with bullying and they will not (as in "you will not") bully. Making excuses for your child is not acceptable. "My child has [insert favorite life-challenge flavor here] right now etc... etc...". How do you know your circumstance is more dire than any other child's at that moment? Many children and adults go through life facing tremendous obstacles yet still manage to treat others with respect, and often you don't even know they're facing any sort of difficulty. Get over yourself & be part of the world.
amy carol
8:07 am on Friday, April 20, 2012
I was just sitting heere this a.m.thinking about yet another case of bulling in our public scholl. I am so saddened by this because it seems as though the bullies have more rights than the one being bullied . No one wants to address it ,It is as though they are affraid to address the bullies parents .They are making every excuse about the one being bullied we need assemblies in our schools with kids that have bullied and the victums telling there stories...Kids need to hear it from there peers...
The parents need to be held accountable as well.
the teachers need to be held accountable ..
there are to many senceless dealth because of this....
Penna1965
12:27 pm on Thursday, March 22, 2012
An issue that we have encountered is that a kid will throw out that another kid is bullying them and the school doesn't investigate and they will immediately punish the student accused. My student was the one accused of bullying, yet the other student was the one actually going out of their way to pick on my child. Bullying will happen, I am happy that school are doing more to protect everyone. Through investigation are a must. Making the bully a pariah should not happen, corrective action should.
Clare Kennedy
12:35 pm on Thursday, March 22, 2012
I agree with both Rob and David. From my own memories and what I've heard anecdotally, I'm surprised that school administrators and teachers don't intervene more often. I would like to hear from educators, though, about how, why and when they get involved. I've never been in their shoes before, so there could be some aspect of this issue I'm not seeing. Anyone care to enlighten us?
Stefanie Briggs
2:56 pm on Thursday, March 22, 2012
I know children and teens that have been bullied and often the bullying starts off school grounds, mainly on the computer/Internet, via phone/text, instant messages and the infamous Facebook. How do you prevent that from happening? Can you? Can you prevent it from reaching back onto the school grounds and causing fights, outbursts, more bullying?
rob_h78
6:44 pm on Thursday, March 22, 2012
My kid isn't quite to the age of Facebook, etc.. but for the online stuff I don't think that there is a lot that can be done directly except for teaching them that web is a wide open frontier and if you want to open yourself up on the internet you may have to take the good with the bad and if things get too bad I suppose pull them offline and contact the authorities.
As for the physical bullying and possible tie-ins with social media, etc... I think that it all goes back to the authorities at school doing their job and for parents of the kid being bullied not giving up.
A friend's son was being bullied in school (and then online) and he and his wife went to the school and talked with the principal and teacher several times to no avail.
So they hired a lawyer and the lawyer sent a letter to the school's principal and to the school board members and outlined the problem, what the parents had done up to that point, and what they were expecting as next steps to solve the problem, etc...
Apparently the school authorities suddenly woke up and realized that they did have a responsibility and the ability to do something...
Fortunately in this case the bull's parents were not aware of the problem and the bully apologized and the problem stopped, but of course I guess plenty of bullies come from pretty messed up households to begin with...
Kevin O'Donovan
12:59 am on Friday, March 23, 2012
Teach your kids to fight. My grandfather was right when he said that people will respect you, win or lose, if you simply fight. I had two memorable fights in school and we became good friends. Kids hiding behind a mother's skirts gets no respect. Part of bullying is a good thing. It is a part of how kids develop character and learn to handle challenges. A lot of the noise seems to be coming from advocates for the acceptance of homosexuality. Fight back against the homosexual bullies.
Matt Jurewicz
7:42 am on Friday, March 23, 2012
The fights you got in, Kev, were NOT because you were being bullied. Bullies are cowards who will only prey on those who they know for a fact will not retaliate. That's what makes them a bully. As for your homophobic screed, that's just plain moronic.
Amy
12:09 pm on Friday, March 23, 2012
Violence solves everything I guess. Someone looks at you funny, you bop him one but good. Why can't we teach our kids to be civil? My son has special needs. He stands a good chance of being picked on as he gets older. And you want me to teach him to hit kids?? How about we teach kids to accept other kids, and to live and let live? Kevin - do you have kids? To want to teach kids to fight makes me think you don't.
David Haines
1:39 pm on Friday, March 23, 2012
There IS something to be said for teaching your children when to stand up for themselves. I know (and you know) Kevin is not saying to punch somebody when they look at you funny. Bullying is more than funny looks so stop with the hyperbole, Amy.
But if, "Bullies are cowards who will only prey on those who they know for a fact will not retaliate" by your logic Matt, If everyone retaliated, bullies will not prey on anyone.
I also agree that a kid gets no respect among his peers having mom or dad fight all his/her battles for them.
Quick anecdote, I was "bullied" by a kid named Peter through Jr. High and one day I had enough. In gym class he tried to punch me while I was climbing a rope. Despite Peter outweighing me and having an inch or two height over me, I got off one punch and was able to tackle Peter to the floor and pin him on a wrestling mat until the gym teacher was able to get there and control things.
Guess what? I didn't get in trouble and I never had another issue with Peter. I was defending myself. I was not the aggressor.
Is fighting the answer? Probably not. But if you teach your kids to just sit back "take it" because the administration or somebody else is supposed to do something but isn't, I don't think that is the answer either.
Teach your kid to walk with their head up and with a purpose. Avoid bullies at all costs, but if you are backed into a corner you don't cower and take it. There is a time to fight back.
Reilly Liebhard
1:11 pm on Wednesday, March 28, 2012
"Homosexual bullies"? Kevin, how long has it been since you were in school? Teens who are gay, or perceived to be gay, are among the kids who most frequently GET bullied.
And this is by no means meant to be a competitive, "my group vs. your group" post -- devout religious kids sometimes get bullied as well. Hell, almost any group membership or identifying characteristic can become a basis for bullying... because any group of people, kids or adults, always seems to contain some percentage of immature bastards.
So what are the solutions to bullying? I agree that raising kids to have a stronger sense of character, and even fight back when necessary, is important (and society really *has* de-emphasized this in the last couple of decades). But that doesn't mean we should remain inactive at the teacher, school, school board, or even legislative level. Let's use all the tools at our disposal, because it's just not right for kids to have to dread going to school. (That, and kids who are psychologically better-off will have an easier time focusing on learning...)
Edward F. Dragan
6:40 am on Friday, March 23, 2012
Teaching kids to fight and take on the responsibility to to combat bullying in school is the wrong message. Schools have a duty to protect kids--and protect them from the emotional and physical harm that comes from bullying. If the school is a place where kids are accepted and feel safe, if the administration continuously works toward developing a climate where bullying is not cool and it is cool for kids to be an upstander and not a bystander parents won't need to put the responsibility on their kids to change things--it's the responsibility of the school!
Edward F. Dragan, EdD, author, "The Bully Action Guide: How to Help Your Child and Get the School to Listen"
David Haines
2:04 pm on Friday, March 23, 2012
What if the administration fails in their duty? What if a continued episode of bullying falls through the cracks and no one listens? The kid's supposed to cower and take it I suppose?
How does that build character?
Annie S.
8:04 am on Friday, March 23, 2012
Schools also have a responsability to allow students to develop as growing individuals. I think, to a degree, being picked on and picking on other people is a natural part of growing up. Something has happened - and the world is different from when I grew up as it is from when someone 20 years older than I grew up. The only thing I can put my finger on is a general loss of respect within the whole of society. I am not a parent, but I see enough people running around in this world who don't care about anything but themselves - and it takes my brain straight to the "nature vs. nuture" question. Sometimes, these people are 14, sometimes they're 45. Sometimes they're a child and their parent together. I was picked on a fair amount growing up and I survived. Though a child of divorce, I was raised in a loving home - an overall respect of others and personal responsability for your actions were important values in my family. Evidently a moral compass is no longer a standard option on the road of life.
Matt Jurewicz
8:11 am on Friday, March 23, 2012
I agree, bullying cannot be stopped. But it must be identified and addressed whenever it occurs. The main core of the issue, IMO, is an absence of proper parental guidance. Obviously, a bully has nobody in their life 1) teaching and modeling appropriate beahvior and 2) holding the child accountable with consequences for his/her trangressions. Simply telling the victim to "fight back" against bullies is not an option for most victims of bullying since it is typically not in one's nature to meet violence with violence. Bullies only prey on those who they KNOW will not retaliate in kind. As for the Facebook/cell phone "cyber-bullying" topic. Parents should simply not allow their children to have a Facebook account or a cell phone until they reach an age they feel the child can use such medium (with tight restrictions) in a responsible manner. Grade school children ARE NOT mature enough to have access to said items. I'd even say most middle school kids are not mature enough to be in posession of these items either.
Kevin O'Donovan
8:21 am on Friday, March 23, 2012
Dr.Dragan, You need to deal in the real world. Kids fight and grow from it. Look at the news and the majority of those stories about bullying come from supposed gender neutral, and the pro-homosexual subculture, which is a cancer in our culture and public schools. If you really want to help kids develop and flourish, let's work to eliminate the anti-Catholic Blaine Amendment in our state constitution. Let's work toward providing families with a diverse school system that better serves the needs of the children and their families. Let's have varying school schedules with a variety of specific training in a diversity of schools. Let's eliminate public education and privatize the schools, which would be supported by school vouchers, and even available to homeschoolers. Let's have schools that complement the moral foundation that parents teach at home and not one that undermines it. Let's have Jewish, Christian, Muslim, and secular schools Trade unions need to be involved in secondary education to help kids better develop their talents. Schools should be providing a la carte classes for homeschoolers, where parents might lack the skills to teach, in a particular area of interest. One size does not fit all. We don't have caftan kids. Let's help them become the best they can be, not what we conjure up for them. Unions can still be engaged in these schools. This is not union busting. This is really about the children. Let's help parents to raise good healthy adults.
Joe
6:20 pm on Tuesday, April 10, 2012
What an idiot. As a public school teacher, I find so many absurd, ridiculous statements that I hardly know where to begin. I particularly find rich the antithesis of a "diverse school system," as long as you ban gays. Privatize public schools? Look at the abysmal record of privatization so far. Religious schools? Already exist. A la carte classes for homeschoolers? Already exist. Trade-oriented classes in high school? Um, they exist. "A school system that better serves the needs of children?" Now there's a new idea. Not. My school building staff have been working overtime for years developing better curriculum, programs, and systems to enhance academic achievement. Schools "undermine" moral foundations? Varying school schedules?" "Variety of specific training?" "Help parents raise good healthy adults?" OK, Mr. Soundbite; clearly you know little about education. If I were to bet, your favorite conflict resolution strategy would be to enlist bullies to beat the crap out of gay youth. What a moron.
Kevin O'Donovan
1:14 pm on Friday, March 23, 2012
Amy, I do have children, older and grown, up and out. Times are different but people aren't. It's not so much that you teach your kids to fight, but not to cower from one. Bullying becomes persistent when it is not directly confronted. A child whose parents fight his battles for him, unless the circumstances are extreme, will continue being taunted. My oldest son had a speech problem. The doctors said to send him to school and the other kids will provoke his will to improve. It seemed cruel. His Mom was very concerned,but it worked, and he retained his dignity and grew in his own eyes, as well as in the eyes of others. Some kids fight, some develop a sense of humor. We all learn to adapt.
Rebeccah Welch
1:35 pm on Friday, March 23, 2012
No, no school will ever be free from bullying. Sadly no matter how many people try to stop it it will NEVER end.
Brie Shultz
1:20 pm on Saturday, March 24, 2012
Sooooo glad social media didn't exist when I was in jr high/high school. Can you imagine waking up and half of your friends list is gone because someone has it in for you? Yuck.
Big_Phish
10:31 am on Thursday, March 29, 2012
Ok, so mom and dad call a lawyer to take care of the bully issue... or tells a teacher... or whatever. No wonder why men are becoming more and more effeminate!! I know, the ladies are doing it too, but they are way worse then what any man can do, because we do not think at that level. Teach your kids some self respect. Teach them to know where to take a stand. Sometimes it is ok to get your butt kicked for what you believe. They don't learn anything when the parents intervene all the time.
For all the people who still say, "fighting a bully never fixes the problem". It worked everytime I had to do it... what would you do if confronted by a bully today? You would probably run and call a lawyer, the police, the Pope.... You need to stand up for yourself.
rob_h78
2:08 pm on Thursday, March 29, 2012
Yes, no doubt you cheer on Ralphie while he is pummeling the neighborhood bully on a Christmas Story and envision that this is indeed what real life is like - perhaps it was where and when you grew up...
Big_Phish
5:29 pm on Tuesday, April 3, 2012
You're not re-inventing the wheel. A bully today is the same as a bully then. Social Media is another tool, but it is still the same. Like all issues they must be handled straight on and immediate.
rob_h78
4:51 pm on Thursday, April 12, 2012
Um, not so much. The bullies I knew, if you got he better of them, would later track you down and somewhere, sometime you would find yourself with 4 or 5 guys around you beating the tar out of you... and no, they didn't care about being "fair" or anything else and at some point they would leave you lying on the ground where you would then crawl away to find help...
Of course then I am sure you would call the cops or other authorities - or would you take the beating and then practice Bruce Lee moves some more for the rematch?
So, yeah, I can't speak for bullies back in the olden days, nor can I speak for bullies in upper middle income areas like Plymouth but I can assure you that there are plenty of places where "bullies" would not let it go even if you gave them a good "poke" to the nose...
Wendy Erlien
6:13 am on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Hey all,
As an fyi, please note that if comments are deleted it is because it does not adhere to our terms of use http://maplegrove.patch.com/terms
William Wells III
11:58 am on Wednesday, April 11, 2012
There's absolutely nothing wrong with teaching children to stand up for themselves... and I don't think it's necessarily wrong to teach them how to defend themselves in a fight. Sad thing is... "fighting" today isn't like it was back in the day. We fought... we generally finished and shook hands... and it wasn't uncommon to become friends. We carried pocket knives... had hunting rifles in the truck (if it was hunting season)... never even considered using THOSE in fights! Today however, conventional wisdom and the willingness to walk away needs to supersede the urge to fight because many "bullies" probably wouldn't think twice before pulling a knife or a gun and there's no way of telling until it's too late. Touch situation... don't want our children to be wimps... but don't want them to get into a life threatening situation. Different world today.
rob_h78
4:42 pm on Thursday, April 12, 2012
I completely agree. I knew some what would be considered bullies in high school - or perhaps they were beyond that - they were pretty tough guys (maybe areas like Plymouth as "Christmas Story" bullies but other places, well, not so much) - so it would be very, very unlikely that someone who did not know how to fight and was not pretty darn good at fighting was suddenly going to go all "Bruce Lee" on them...
And if "Bruce Lee" showed up it would more likely it would be at least 3 or 4 guys to take on, as it was about power, not being "fair".
But, if someone did get the better of them at some point, I can assure you that they were simply not going to let it go, they would track the person down and at some point there would be revenge and it would not be pretty...
Wendy Erlien
8:11 am on Thursday, April 12, 2012
What do you all think is the one thing schools are and/or should be doing to prevent bullying? Zero tolerance? More people to monitor the hallways during passing time?
rob_h78
4:48 pm on Thursday, April 12, 2012
There is no way to prevent bullying - like there is no way to prevent muggings or anything else in society. What you can do is have policies in place that are adhered to so that there are repercussions that are swift and known and that can be quickly escalated if the "bully" doesn't cut it out.
In schools, where they have a real responsibility since by law the child is required to be in the school each day, they should never sweep bullying under the carpet and should have strict policies that are immediately enacted to get the bottom of the issue and if there is an issue to start dealing with it right away.
At least you can then start to separate the "wanna-be" bullies from the thugs and start to narrow down the population that has to be really dealt with.
Wendy Erlien
1:24 pm on Tuesday, April 24, 2012
According to the Minnesota Department of Education, the Bullying Prevention Task Force will be holding a listening session in Rochester on Thursday, April 26 to "...provide the opportunity for stakeholders to provide information and insight to task force members that will inform the group’s final recommendations to Governor Dayton and the legislature." http://education.state.mn.us/MDE/Welcome/News/PressRel/043673
What would you tell task force members if you went to a listening session?